So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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