It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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