i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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