you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
