final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
