When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
