so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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