Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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