Me. At least after what I've been through.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
