we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
