Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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