this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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