He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
