based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
