someone owes me an orgasm
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
