so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
