I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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