Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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