I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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