I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
