Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize