I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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