We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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