is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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