who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it's great music for shaving your balls
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
