yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
