I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
