I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
