I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
