I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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