I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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