i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
