Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
