i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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