it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just high enough for therapy.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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