I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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