I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Never underestimate the power of titties
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
