Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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