I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
