I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
