I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
