Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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