Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he thought i was a dude.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
