i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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