alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
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