i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
