Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize