he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
