I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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