So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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