she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
