im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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