dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
