i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
