omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
