he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
