Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
