when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
