There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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