i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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