I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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