I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
