I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
