God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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