My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
