needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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