I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
