Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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