Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
