so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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