everyone is single if you try hard enough
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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