how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
