I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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