I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
